Home
All romantic relationships fall into one of three categories.
Relationship coach Aileen Santos shares how to find out which kind
you’re in now, and which could lead to real and lasting love.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Read through the items below. Keeping your current partner and relationship in mind, complete the statements
using whichever one of the three options seems truest to you given the
situation described. Keep track of which letters your answers fall
under.
1. Even before my partner and I became exclusive, I knew we had (or will have) a chance for a future together because:
a. I just get so turned on whenever I’m around him—our chemistry is fantastic!
b. He’s an ambitious and successful person in his field, and people look up to him.
c. He’s always encouraged me to think about my goals and go after my dreams.
2. The biggest perk I get from my relationship right now is:
a. The hugs, the kisses, the long and hot embraces, and more. I am an incredibly satisfied woman.
b. When other girls find out that I’m with him, they look up to me and envy me for being so lucky.
c. I feel like I’m more of “who I really am” when I’m with him, and there is no need for pretenses.
3. When I want to “show off” my partner, I:
a. Just invite family and friends to meet him. They all instantly agree on what a major hunk he is.
b.
Invite people to see the new house/condo unit/car/jewelry he’s given
me. He treats me like a princess and loves to shower me with gifts.
c.
I don’t really feel the need to show him off. Our families and closest
friends know we’re partners in every sense of the word.
The
statements above aren’t meant to be a quiz. Instead, they will help you
start thinking about what attracts you to your partner and what makes
you choose to have a relationship with him. Now, based on your answers,
you might find that your relationship falls into one of these three
categories:
1. Mostly As = Fun and Pleasurable
You
can’t get enough of the fun flirting, the intense making out, and the
wild and passionate sex. This kind of relationship can be incredibly
satisfying to your ego and to your body.,But, chances are, you also tend
to have equally passionate fights, fights that are most often triggered
by insecurity and doubt, While you enjoy the drama that this
relationship brings to your life, at the back of your mind, you know
that all these passionate feelings will eventually burn themselves out.
And despite all the fireworks between you, your fight-and-make-up cycle
will soon start to feel boring and predictable. Unless you start
cultivating the other (perhaps less exciting) parts of your dynamic as a
couple, then it’s very likely that your relationship will die a very
uneventful death,
2. Mostly Bs = High Status
You
are getting a lot out of this relationship: respect from other people,
envy from other girls, and—especially if your man is the generous
kind—everything and anything you could ever want or own. But deep
inside, you feel the pressure to keep up appearances. You may find
yourself realizing that the things you thought would make you happy
aren’t really as important as you thought they would be now that you
have them. And sometimes it may bother you that your partner doesn’t
seem to know or understand the “real you.” But then you can’t really
blame him, can you? Because you may not be sure you know who you are
yourself.
3. Mostly Cs = Shared Growth
You
have moments of extreme passion, and you also have moments when you’re
so proud of him you want to announce to the world that you’ve found your
very own Mr. Right. You may sometimes be bothered by the thought that
your relationship isn’t as intense and passionate as you think it should
be, that your relationship isn’t at all like what you see in movies.
But what makes you stop comparing your relationship with those other
couples is the fact that, with him, you truly feel safe, appreciated,
supported, and loved for who you are and for who you can become. You
know he’s not perfect, you know your relationship is not perfect, and
you know you’re not perfect. But that’s totally okay because you believe
in each other and you’re both committed to seeing each other through
the challenges life and love can bring.
So Which Kind Really Lasts?
I’ll give you one guess. And if you picked the shared growth relationship, then you’ve chosen correctly.
The
reason why this kind of relationship has the potential to bring you
true happiness is that it’s based on shared values and a commitment to
each other’s growth. Because even though you’re already a couple, you
still need to recognize each other as individuals. And this “shared
growth” kind of relationship allows you, your partner, and your
relationship to grow.
News Flash: This Valuable Insight Isn’t Really New
Sometimes
we get so excited by the latest new thing that we tend to forget about
the truths that have always been there because they’ve withstood the
test of time. You might be surprised, but this concept of there being
three kinds of relationships actually originated from Aristotle! He was
the first to introduce the concept of a soul mate. But here’s where we
got it wrong: we started to believe that our soul mate was somewhere out
there, walking around looking for us, and that if we didn’t find him
and got married to someone else, we’d be miserable for the rest of our
lives.
On the contrary, Aristotle’s definition of a soul mate is
much a simpler and far less stressful concept. For him, a soul mate is
someone who nurtures your soul.
You won’t be sexy forever, and
anything you own can be gone in an instant. But if you can find at least
one person who sees you for who you really are and has decided to
commit to you, warts and all, then you have just increased your chances
for building the kind of love that lasts.
Relationship coach Aileen Santos shares how to find out which kind
you’re in now, and which could lead to real and lasting love.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Read through the items below. Keeping your current partner and relationship in mind, complete the statements
using whichever one of the three options seems truest to you given the
situation described. Keep track of which letters your answers fall
under.
1. Even before my partner and I became exclusive, I knew we had (or will have) a chance for a future together because:
a. I just get so turned on whenever I’m around him—our chemistry is fantastic!
b. He’s an ambitious and successful person in his field, and people look up to him.
c. He’s always encouraged me to think about my goals and go after my dreams.
2. The biggest perk I get from my relationship right now is:
a. The hugs, the kisses, the long and hot embraces, and more. I am an incredibly satisfied woman.
b. When other girls find out that I’m with him, they look up to me and envy me for being so lucky.
c. I feel like I’m more of “who I really am” when I’m with him, and there is no need for pretenses.
3. When I want to “show off” my partner, I:
a. Just invite family and friends to meet him. They all instantly agree on what a major hunk he is.
b.
Invite people to see the new house/condo unit/car/jewelry he’s given
me. He treats me like a princess and loves to shower me with gifts.
c.
I don’t really feel the need to show him off. Our families and closest
friends know we’re partners in every sense of the word.
The
statements above aren’t meant to be a quiz. Instead, they will help you
start thinking about what attracts you to your partner and what makes
you choose to have a relationship with him. Now, based on your answers,
you might find that your relationship falls into one of these three
categories:
1. Mostly As = Fun and Pleasurable
You
can’t get enough of the fun flirting, the intense making out, and the
wild and passionate sex. This kind of relationship can be incredibly
satisfying to your ego and to your body.,But, chances are, you also tend
to have equally passionate fights, fights that are most often triggered
by insecurity and doubt, While you enjoy the drama that this
relationship brings to your life, at the back of your mind, you know
that all these passionate feelings will eventually burn themselves out.
And despite all the fireworks between you, your fight-and-make-up cycle
will soon start to feel boring and predictable. Unless you start
cultivating the other (perhaps less exciting) parts of your dynamic as a
couple, then it’s very likely that your relationship will die a very
uneventful death,
2. Mostly Bs = High Status
You
are getting a lot out of this relationship: respect from other people,
envy from other girls, and—especially if your man is the generous
kind—everything and anything you could ever want or own. But deep
inside, you feel the pressure to keep up appearances. You may find
yourself realizing that the things you thought would make you happy
aren’t really as important as you thought they would be now that you
have them. And sometimes it may bother you that your partner doesn’t
seem to know or understand the “real you.” But then you can’t really
blame him, can you? Because you may not be sure you know who you are
yourself.
3. Mostly Cs = Shared Growth
You
have moments of extreme passion, and you also have moments when you’re
so proud of him you want to announce to the world that you’ve found your
very own Mr. Right. You may sometimes be bothered by the thought that
your relationship isn’t as intense and passionate as you think it should
be, that your relationship isn’t at all like what you see in movies.
But what makes you stop comparing your relationship with those other
couples is the fact that, with him, you truly feel safe, appreciated,
supported, and loved for who you are and for who you can become. You
know he’s not perfect, you know your relationship is not perfect, and
you know you’re not perfect. But that’s totally okay because you believe
in each other and you’re both committed to seeing each other through
the challenges life and love can bring.
So Which Kind Really Lasts?
I’ll give you one guess. And if you picked the shared growth relationship, then you’ve chosen correctly.
The
reason why this kind of relationship has the potential to bring you
true happiness is that it’s based on shared values and a commitment to
each other’s growth. Because even though you’re already a couple, you
still need to recognize each other as individuals. And this “shared
growth” kind of relationship allows you, your partner, and your
relationship to grow.
News Flash: This Valuable Insight Isn’t Really New
Sometimes
we get so excited by the latest new thing that we tend to forget about
the truths that have always been there because they’ve withstood the
test of time. You might be surprised, but this concept of there being
three kinds of relationships actually originated from Aristotle! He was
the first to introduce the concept of a soul mate. But here’s where we
got it wrong: we started to believe that our soul mate was somewhere out
there, walking around looking for us, and that if we didn’t find him
and got married to someone else, we’d be miserable for the rest of our
lives.
On the contrary, Aristotle’s definition of a soul mate is
much a simpler and far less stressful concept. For him, a soul mate is
someone who nurtures your soul.
You won’t be sexy forever, and
anything you own can be gone in an instant. But if you can find at least
one person who sees you for who you really are and has decided to
commit to you, warts and all, then you have just increased your chances
for building the kind of love that lasts.